A One Sided Conversation

I remember the first time I heard Bob Dylan. I thought he sounded strange. Sort of like a dying duck that had been smoking Marlboro Reds for years and years. I soon learned, however, that he was a clever duck and quickly became quite jealous of his ability to put strands of incredible lyrics together. He was like an architect, building phrases out of words that came across as poetry and melody combined. I like to call him Bobby, as if I know him.

Jealousy. Funny thing Jealousy is. It can come out of nowhere. I could be walking down the street and be perfectly fine until I see that good looking guy with his good looking girlfriend, taking calls and checking emails and sending flowers from the palm of his hand. If only I had that phone. I want that phone. How come he gets to have that phone? Will the phone work the same for me? I wonder if I can get it for cheaper than it is supposed to be. I'd probably be famous if I could just get one of those stupid little phones.... The list of thoughts goes on I guess. Anyways, thats a side note.

Notes. I have a box of notes in my closet. Notes from when I was a kid, all the way up to the present. If you've given me a note, chances are that it is in that box. Just looking at the box makes me feel funny inside. There are long notes, short notes, happy notes, angry notes, plain notes, colorful notes, funny notes, serious notes. Some of the notes are torn from age and some are just a little dusty. I like to think that when I am older, I will read all of the notes before I die and remember the things I just couldn't remember otherwise. By then, hopefully even the notes that remind me of things I may not want to remember now, will be so old and far from the present, that they bring a smile, maybe even a laugh, to my face. Maybe by then I'll have a couple of boxes to go through (hopefully all good notes). 

Good evening. 

So Long For Now

I think recently I've realized I need to change this thing. Until I know what I need to change about it I don't think I'll write. At least here. 

Until then, maybe you can answer the question I've been asking myself recently. 

What if we all just stopped and realized we are already loved?

I Am Me

I woke up this morning and have stayed in by bed for over an hour. The blinds are closed, the lights are off and there is not a single noise in the house except for the humming of the air conditioner. I am in a small room. The bed is as old as me and there are books everywhere. I am living here temporarily and my possessions look like vines slowly taking over the walls and empty spaces that were there before I arrived. I have very little really. Clothes, books, guitars and some golf clubs that a good friend of mine gave to me that are in desperate need of cleaning. I've thought of selling one of the guitars....I need the money.

I woke up this morning and have stayed in my bed for over an hour. My mind is wide awake, wandering in the deep recesses of my heart. Mornings like these can scare me. It's like going into a dark attic after watching a scary movie. I don't want to think about what I'll find in the corners but I can't seem to keep myself from straying to far. So I let it happen. 

I woke up this morning and have stayed in my bed for over an hour. I am remembering a Psalm that I have been reading this week. It says something about God having formed me in my mothers womb, how he knit together my soul and knows the words I will say before I say them and the thoughts I will have before I think them. It goes on to say that there isn't a place I can go to escape his spirit. If I went into outer space, he'd be there, if I fled to the center of the earth he'd be there, if I tried to sail to the middle of the ocean where there is nothing but water and air, he would still be there. Not only would he be there, but it continues with the line "Your right hand would still be upon me." I think that means he loves me and accepts me unconditionally.

I woke up this morning and have stayed in my bed for over an hour, but I think it is time to get up.