Fears

Tonight I was sitting at a coffee shop reading a book. It is funny how words that someone wrote in another place and time and even another state of mind can mean so much to me. If you've ever had one of these moments you know that they stick with you for the rest of the evening and maybe even longer. There was a line in the book that said the best stories are always lived by those who are willing to go through the pain that they cost. I sat on that for a while. 

I'm actually still sitting on it. At this point I am still wondering if I have ever attempted to actually live, let alone live a great story. In the world I live in it is easy to find myself inside of a box of the right things to do and steering clear of all of the wrong things to do. And sometimes the right thing to do gets labeled as the wrong thing or maybe even worse, the unwise thing to do. For a self conscious person, it's a nightmare. There is something inside of me that tells me if I never risk I will never live. And to risk, I need to overcome my fears. Which leads me to the question I have hated all my life. What am I so afraid of? Because when I am honest with myself it seems to come down to such silly things. I am afraid of what people will think of me. I am afraid that I will fail and people will laugh at me or say, "I told you so." I am terrified that if I jump off the cliff there will be nothing to catch me. I am afraid of letting my family down. I am afraid of letting my father down. 

These seem to be the fears that swallow my dreams. But I have a feeling that is about to change. Or at least I'm praying that it will.